22/06/25, 17:27 WIB
I’m trying to remember. By then I already had my blog up but I had stopped writing. Because I was sad.
Do you want to start the game again?
I was sad. Due to… reasons. Due to a series of heart-wrenching events, I was sad. I still can’t wrap my head around the possibility that my sadness could be felt from a district away. BRAT just came out and on my first listen of “Everything is romantic”, I foreseen an outcome. The song felt bittersweet and so was the end of Chapter One. The rest were plain bitter. That’s just June.
I couldn’t cry so I walked to the bus station in the drizzle, dragging myself, my numbing chest included, like carrying stones barehanded. I’m trying to remember! I’ve been listening to the first track multiple times, trying to figure out why. I know I listened to this a lot when everything felt heavy and I just gotta push through (but every time I tried to forget, I got tired of trying) but I can’t seem to remember why. I want to know but I’m now realizing that it was purely because in the moment, it felt right. I don’t know why, it just was.
June has always been ruthless, even this year, but now I have more room to breathe, more space in my room, more courage to release, and more will to stay steady on my feet. More life in me.
I can’t believe how sad I was.
— S. N.
breaking my spine 