the O gap

(28/07/2017, ??:?? AEST)

If you feel uncomfortable in a relationship, shouldn't you just end it instead?

Maybe it's because I've been single for 20 years and have never been in a proper, committed relationship. Maybe that's why I really value my freedom. And maybe that's why I become quite timid and sensitive whenever the things I want to do bother him.

We can work it out. For now, at least. I really don't know what will happen in the long run but... honestly speaking, I'd rather end it now than having to stay and have the same problems repeatedly. But isn't it unfair if I don't give him time?

Honestly, I think I won't be as pissed as I am right now if I weren't so obsessed with... 🤷🏻‍♀️ Do you think it's irrational? Because I think she's like... more of his type. And they have so much in common and she is smarter and more knowledgable and here I am like... Hi? I like music that you don't like and know nothing about your passion hahaha and I kinda wanna die sometimes? And this thought alone is already killing so yeah, at least I'm getting there?

I hate that I'm so fucking obsessive with other people's lives like Ila can you stop? It's draining your emotions and it's fucking bad for your mental stability like I know that I shouldn't scroll through her Twitter account but whoops! Next thing I know I'm already reading her tweets from 2012 and admiring how fucking cool she is, even back then! That year I was still side-eyeing people who do things that I wasn't able to do out of jealousy. Meanwhile, she watched all the TV shows I've always wanted to watch but for IDK what reason never did because I, weirdly, wasn't driven enough. And I can only say, "Yeah, I've heard about it. I see it on my Tumblr dashboard all the time." ??? ??? ??? I even think the way she talks is cool. And she makes things sound cooler too.

???

I'm tired, tired, tired.

I'm so tired of being insecure all the time—of being irrationally obsessed with people.

Although somehow, it does set a standard of how envision myself. I want to be ABC, and maybe I can and I will.

IDK, man. Why do I even care, honestly.

— S.N.